Written by: Sarah Pudwell; Edited by: Jocelyn Courneya
Disclaimer: I would like to note that I am no Scrooge. I love me some Christmas cheer. I simply don’t take Christmas as seriously as others and this unique perspective allows me to see just how ‘crazy’ some people are when it comes to the most wonderful time of the year. It may also help to note that my birthday is in December.
With all of this in mind, I present to you: Five people who need to chill out about Christmas.
The Pre-Halloween Music Listener
Definition: Anyone who begins listening to holiday music in October.
I’m a true believer in the sanctity of a song. I can think of more than one occasion when I’ve had the misfortune of listening to a song so many times that I get sick of it. I find the same goes for Christmas music. I’ve had so many of my favourite songs go to the overplayed graveyard, that I fear the same fate for Christmas music. This is why I cannot comprehend a three month stretch of Christmas tunes. Maybe I should be commending those who have the strength to carry on listening to Mariah Carey on repeat. But for me, my fear has driven me to the point that I’ll walk out of a store in November if I hear J. Biebs singing about mistletoe.
The Pre-Halloween Holiday Movie Watcher
Definition: Anyone who begins watching holiday movies in October.
Now, this one follows closely with the music listener. There are many cases where the two even go hand in hand. These people typically have all of their favourite movies Christmas-themed. Although they have the self control to wait the majority of the year to press play. However, once the Christmas season nears its head, they start watching them all. On repeat. For months. Now, I’ve never been one to enjoy watching movies multiple times. I’ve got to give a movie at least a year, normally, before I’m ready to sit through it again. So power to these folks, but maybe throw a classic romcom in there every once and a while.
The “I love the smell of Christmas” Enthusiast
Definition: Anyone who you hear say something along the lines of “Christmas is my favourite smell!”
I’m not sure where to start with this one. These people really stump me. Christmas, being a concept, rather than a material object, does not, and CANNOT, have a smell. That’s all I’ve got. If someone wishes to try and explain this to me, please feel free.
The Over-eager Decorating Beaver
Definition: Anyone who scatters their lawn, home, tree, driveway, Facebook newsfeed, car, bicycle, dog, cat, mouse, or refrigerator with SO MUCH Christmas related paraphernalia, that you can no longer tell the difference between the mouse and the car.
I thought I’d give you an example from my own personal experience. I live in a small town straight off highway 401. It’s an hour east of Toronto ,and on the drive to Toronto you pass this house whose backyard is completely visible from the highway. Starting in November, this homeowner begins covering their backyard in those inflatable lawn things. Now when I say cover, I mean there is no part of the lawn left visible. There is not a square inch of space on that lawn that is not either covered by or shadowed by one of these enormous ornaments. And not one is the same. This person must go to garage sales seeking them out. I figure this person must also be a millionaire. That or they save their money all year just to afford the hydro bills for this impressive display of Christmas tackiness. Nonetheless, it grabs my family’s attention every time we drive by AND I’ve taken the time to tell you all about it. So maybe it’s worth it.
The Christmas Fanatic Who Makes the Season Last for Nearly Half the Year
Definition: Anyone who makes Christmas last for more than the week it should be given.
I had trouble coming up with a snappy name for this one – clearly. This type is a good one to wrap up with, as it can include all 4 of the previous types of people. This person is just all-around Christmas obsessed. I’ve got a few friends who fit under this category (you know who you are) and they are some of my favourite people. But I generally tend to avoid them at all costs over the holidays, just to preserve our friendship.
That concludes my list of people who need to chill out about Christmas. I want to reiterate that I have absolutely no problem with any of these types of people. In fact, many of my friends and family fit into at least one of these five categories. I love Christmas and the holiday season. There are a lot of good things that come along with it that I look forward to every year. I simply find myself less obsessed than some other,s and I thought I would try and be witty about my observations. I hope it brought you some joy.
I wish you all have a fantastic holiday season!